A DAY LIKE TODAY
Today came back from Langkawi Island. A bit tired after handling a program.
But what make me tired the most, is thinking about this unfinished business.
On and off this thing had been dragging on.
I have no where to turn to...neither have anyone I can really tell.
Even if I tell, can they really can understand what I say???
In summary, I had a guy which I thought he would understand me and I thought I can try to understand him. Though its not easy but I am trying.
He doesn't seem understand or see that I am trying too.
I recalled a lot of harsh words he used on me.
But still I believe one day he will change and he will realise that I am truthful to him.
And I am willing to adapt myself to him.
I always thought I can be honest with him. Telling him what I like and what I don't.
But he felt I am nagging. So i reduced it, not mentioning about his behavior.
But to my surprise, he seems telling me not to get him any birthday present.
I can't helped it but to wonder what is he thinking .
But seems like even I asked him what he wanted to tell me..
He wouldn't want to tell me...
And finally I was put into cold cell again like any other time.
What make me sad is, while he can put me into cold cell, he can happily chatting away with some chicks without even realising I am waiting patiently here for his reply.
I know I shouldn't sharing this online.
But I need to place I can voice out.
I keep thinking and thinking how
to make him feel happy and comfortable.
But am I?
When I rarely sms him cause worry will nag him and make him stress, he will feel disappoint with us. Maybe I am not the one for him. I not able to make him smile because of my emptiness. I have nothing to offer him. He used to say it so much that its stuck inside my head.
Saw his msges with other female friends online, the girls can be pampered by him, being kinky and naughty and all..but when I do that, I don't get the same treatment.
Again and again, I asked myself, is it time for me to give up???!!!
Then the other side, came in, maybe its just my feelings..I am being paranoia and all.
But whatever the reasons are, this thing had been troubling my mind, till I have restless nights..
I have got to admit, he doesn't love me that much...
I am just another girl that he came across in his life...
After sometimes, the feelings will get cold,
he will get bored by me..
And finally he will leave as well...
Maybe I should consider ending this as well???
